Hello Olivette,
Indeed, it would be good for you to write down all the suffering and sadness you have endured for years.
Ever since I got a computer, years ago, I’ve been writing down all my sorrows, disappointments, and troubles. It does me a world of good and is like a form of therapy. The act of writing allows you to release your pain and discharge your adrenaline in a controlled way, thereby managing your emotions. I suggest you do the same. That way, you’ll keep your writings like a personal diary.
As for your mother, I am indeed afraid that, given the long-standing resentments, the doors will not open easily. In my view, it seems that somewhere deep down she has an imbalance stemming from a distant past. This imbalance has manifested over the years in reactions that are, to put it mildly, destructive. By destructive, I mean that they have destroyed the normal feelings that should exist between a mother and her daughter. Furthermore, it seems to me that she must harbor resentments because you inherited from your father, leaving her a smaller share than yours. Is it possible that she was jealous of this, and that it upset her to the point of digging an even deeper trench between the two of you? You must understand that some women are mothers simply because nature has made them bear children, yet they lack the maternal instinct and give little or no attention to their children. As a result, you had a difficult start in life with a mother who did not want to, or did not know how to, provide you with the essential elements for a good emotional balance.
I think she is aware of her own imbalance and what it has caused; the fact that she wanted to replace you in your role as a mother would seem to demonstrate that she feared a recurring pattern, thinking that you would do the same. Add to all this some jealousy and her resentments toward life, and perhaps a deliberate intent to harm you, so she chose to take from you your most precious possession, your flesh and your blood, to continue this destructive path. Would this be perversity added to manipulative behavior? We shall see.
In itself, all of this is not very pretty and I am completely dismayed by it.
I wonder and ask myself why your husband is supporting your daughter in this conflict? Does he get along well with your mother? And would he ultimately accept this compromise, which seems detrimental to the family?
I completely understand that you may be breaking down; it is natural, as your nerves are being put to the test. However, just one small thing: do not close the door on your daughter definitively. I know that, said this way, it may seem difficult given the situation. Things evolve in life; one day, your daughter will realize the truly harmful motivations of your mother, who has plunged an entire family into sorrow, discord, and distress. On that day, you will need to act with prudence, taking it step by step to rebuild the bond with your daughter. In this story, in a different way, your daughter is also a victim of this situation, since apparently your mother has managed to draw her in and turn her away from you.
Now hold on to your three children who need their mother, keep hope alive, try to smile from time to time, and with time your wounds will close to heal. I will be there to help you feel better
I'm glad you were able to find some relief by writing your post, and I hope to hear from you soon.
Tenderness