For our friend Olivette

Hello everyone

I suggested to our friend Olivette that she join us in the section so that everyone could help her with a family concern. Here is what was extracted from the dream section; our friend may add further information if she wishes. Thank you in advance for her.

Re: white verses
"Reply #4 On: Today at 15:05:57 » Quote

Hello Josy,

My daughter is 22 years old, and ever since she was little, my mother has always been turning her against me, and now I have decided to stay away from her and stop making myself sick over it.
When she was young, my mother decided to raise Sabine, which I never wanted since she was not capable of raising me. Today, my daughter has a high school diploma and a BTS and works in a bank. In your opinion, did I make a mistake by raising her? Therefore, I see no reason to forgive my mother. However, if my daughter cuts ties with her grandmother, she will be welcome in my home.
Sorry to bother you with my family issues, but you needed to understand where my hatred for my mother comes from.
because everything I do is wrong, so she lives her life and I live mine
And that's why the white worms make me think of my mother and my daughter, since they are plotting together.
Best regards, Véro

Dear Olivette,

It is with my heart as a mother that I come to offer you my support.

You were right to raise your child. It is your flesh, your blood. No one has the right to take over the role of a parent except in serious cases, such as health issues. You are, and will forever remain, their mother.

I can only understand your anger and your sadness. Now we will try to channel all of this so that you can look to the future with greater serenity and so that you can reestablish contact with your child, and a happy one at that.

If you have any questions or areas of uncertainty that are currently preventing you from seeing things more clearly in this section, you can speak openly, as if you were writing in your personal diary.

I will do my utmost to help you. I am convinced that other members will be sensitive to this discussion thread and will in turn offer you their support.

I'm hugging you very tightly, stay confident :-*

Hello Olivette,
On the one hand, I would like to express my sadness at this situation involving a mother, her daughter, and her daughter’s daughter.
For me, your mom probably realized that she hadn’t been, or didn’t think she had been, a perfect mother, so she certainly wanted to take her revenge, not her vengeance.
It is true that you, and no one else, are your daughter’s mother, and you did right to raise her rather than face reproaches later.
Was there no other way to reconcile the two than to distance your daughter from her grandmother, thereby bringing you closer in the eyes of everyone for this coalition that has only ended up driving you apart from each other?
Separation is never a good idea and would only worsen the situation, giving your mother reason to belittle your daughter.
Try to get closer and make yourself heard, and do so with gentleness and patience, because unspoken things are stronger than anything.
Not only about your daughter, but also about your mother; she is a mother too, after all, with her mistakes and her truths.
I wish you a happy Sunday with your loved ones.
Sincerely
Ladysally
P.S. At Mother's Day, invite both of them to your place. Set aside your grudges, even if you are right, and also listen to their side of the truth.

Thank you, Josy.

I also thank Lady Sally for these little tips that will be of no use; my mother is a proud and wicked woman in every respect. I have never received a single compliment from my mother, only reproaches. Even at my father’s death, she called to tell me that I should be happy since it was I who was inheriting from my father (there was nothing to inherit except his share of the house), but it is their fault since they never married, and it is my fault! And on my 40th birthday, she sent me a card saying happy birthday and be a better mother. That day, my mother died for me! It is hard, Maes, but that is how it is. Let her stay with her own children (since I am from a second union) and leave me in peace. However, what I will never forgive her for is that she inflates my daughter’s head, and the latter knows it but does not realize that she is playing the same game as her. And why?
I’m breaking down and I prefer to ignore both of them, but my husband supports my daughter, who is also his. There are moments when I wonder what the point of living is. Fortunately, I have my three other children, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing to you, which won’t solve my problems but does relieve me a little. The only thing I’m sure of is that I will never forgive my mother. As for my daughter, she will have to make an effort, and since she won’t, I’m going to ignore her too, no matter how much it hurts me.
Well, it feels good to let off a little steam, but given the amount there is, I could write a book about it—maybe that’s a good idea to consider!
Yours sincerely, Véro

Hello Olivette,

Indeed, it would be good for you to write down all the suffering and sadness you have endured for years.

Ever since I got a computer, years ago, I’ve been writing down all my sorrows, disappointments, and troubles. It does me a world of good and is like a form of therapy. The act of writing allows you to release your pain and discharge your adrenaline in a controlled way, thereby managing your emotions. I suggest you do the same. That way, you’ll keep your writings like a personal diary.

As for your mother, I am indeed afraid that, given the long-standing resentments, the doors will not open easily. In my view, it seems that somewhere deep down she has an imbalance stemming from a distant past. This imbalance has manifested over the years in reactions that are, to put it mildly, destructive. By destructive, I mean that they have destroyed the normal feelings that should exist between a mother and her daughter. Furthermore, it seems to me that she must harbor resentments because you inherited from your father, leaving her a smaller share than yours. Is it possible that she was jealous of this, and that it upset her to the point of digging an even deeper trench between the two of you? You must understand that some women are mothers simply because nature has made them bear children, yet they lack the maternal instinct and give little or no attention to their children. As a result, you had a difficult start in life with a mother who did not want to, or did not know how to, provide you with the essential elements for a good emotional balance.

I think she is aware of her own imbalance and what it has caused; the fact that she wanted to replace you in your role as a mother would seem to demonstrate that she feared a recurring pattern, thinking that you would do the same. Add to all this some jealousy and her resentments toward life, and perhaps a deliberate intent to harm you, so she chose to take from you your most precious possession, your flesh and your blood, to continue this destructive path. Would this be perversity added to manipulative behavior? We shall see.

In itself, all of this is not very pretty and I am completely dismayed by it.

I wonder and ask myself why your husband is supporting your daughter in this conflict? Does he get along well with your mother? And would he ultimately accept this compromise, which seems detrimental to the family?

I completely understand that you may be breaking down; it is natural, as your nerves are being put to the test. However, just one small thing: do not close the door on your daughter definitively. I know that, said this way, it may seem difficult given the situation. Things evolve in life; one day, your daughter will realize the truly harmful motivations of your mother, who has plunged an entire family into sorrow, discord, and distress. On that day, you will need to act with prudence, taking it step by step to rebuild the bond with your daughter. In this story, in a different way, your daughter is also a victim of this situation, since apparently your mother has managed to draw her in and turn her away from you.

Now hold on to your three children who need their mother, keep hope alive, try to smile from time to time, and with time your wounds will close to heal. I will be there to help you feel better

I'm glad you were able to find some relief by writing your post, and I hope to hear from you soon.

Tenderness

Good evening, Olivette

I read your posts with great interest, and for quite a long time. First of all, as my friend Jossy says, no, don't shut your daughter out; let things take their course. Of course, it's easier said than done. It seems your daughter is 22 years old, so she's a grown woman who surely has the values in life that you instilled in her, and those will stay with her for life.
At first, everything is new (with her grandmother); she only hears one side of the story. Time works wonders, though sometimes it takes a long time. But you must keep hope alive and avoid being aggressive toward either of them. Your daughter will come to realize on her own that a mother is one of a kind, and that if she has succeeded in life, it is thanks to you.

I might be able to give you an idea based on what I experienced with my 20-year-old son. I had to kick him out of the house and send him to his father's place. He stayed there for nine months. At first, it was the best thing for him; he could do whatever he wanted. But over time, he realized a lot of things (despite the conflicts I had with my ex-husband for 13 years, I never spoke ill of him and I raised my three children on my own, teaching them all the essential values of life).
I haven't heard from my son for three months, and believe me, that's a long time for a mother. Then one day we talked via MSN; since it wasn't face-to-face, there was no aggression. We had a conversation and told each other everything on our hearts, the good, but especially the bad.
He asked me to give him some time, which I did. A week later, he called me and asked if he could come to the house. What immense joy that was for me.
Today our love is even stronger and the past remains in the past.

So, Olivette, let your daughter do as she pleases, remain neutral about all of this, your daughter will come back to you, be patient and confident, I am a believer and I always tell myself that God works all things for good, we must go through these trials to move forward.

If you need support, don’t forget that we are all here for you; don’t hesitate to reach out to us, we will always be there.

Big warm kisses, Olivette

Véronique

Thank you, Josy and Véronique. That is what I am doing: I let things take their course with my daughter. The only thing is that I do not want to see her as long as she is on her grandmother’s side. I do not want her telling stories to her sister and brothers, so until she understands the malice that is going around, she stays in her corner. However, I see her every morning because she drops off her dog and picks him up in the evening. On the other hand, Josy, you gave me the idea of writing down everything that is wrong, in other words, keeping a diary. It is a very good idea, even though it will take me some time.
I kiss you, Véro

Hello Olivette,

I wish you a good writing process and a lot of courage. It is also difficult to write, because the memories of your childhood, adolescence, and all the stages of your life will once again overwhelm you. You must truly be ready to do it and to face it in an adult manner, and really become aware of this long process. They will surely haunt you, because many images will resurface within you, and you will have to not only write but also talk about them with a competent person in this field, and express all this anger to another competent person who will not judge you. Children always return to their roots, to their fundamental origin.

Good work and good luck, Olivette

You're right, the worst thing is to start without being criticized, because my husband thinks it's stupid, but that's his problem, and I think I need to do it with a certain amount of anxiety, because the more I think about it, the more afraid I am of realizing certain things. Anyway, I'm going to do it and it will do me good.
Thank you, Rolande. However, I would like to ask: do you practice clairvoyance or tarot?
Thank you for your response
vero

I do Marseille tarot… and take care, Véro, because when you start such work, a lot of things get stirred up in our lives… and it’s normal to feel afraid, afraid of discovering certain things… and that’s a good thing if you want to do it, it clears out the system lol… but I also know that you have the strength inside you to do it.

Rolande