To help my son be happy

Max is 11 years old. He is unhappy, feels useless and misunderstood, hates school, and the very idea of having to keep going to school for years, and then continuing to have to work to make a living, seems insurmountable to him. I can see that he has great potential, but it’s as if I haven’t found the key to help him find joy in life… What should I do? Is it just that he needs his father? He only sees him twice a month.
He was born on December 26, 1994.
Numbers: 11 24 25 6

Thank you for your advice…

Hello Pénultienne,

I was moved by your message, especially since it concerns children. I understand your concerns, as my son’s schooling also gives me a great deal of worry, even though he is eager to learn, enjoys going to school, and has positive expectations for the future. The major issue for him is that the school system put obstacles in his way from the very beginning, preventing any possibility of learning. Nevertheless, this negative situation has caused my son great suffering, making him feel rejected and contributing to his inevitable failure, which is why I have been fighting for him for ten years.

Clearly, Max is in great distress, and you need help to find solutions so that your son can get out of this turmoil.

To help and support you, I would like to understand what has led to his current situation of failure.
Is the feeling of being useless and misunderstood linked solely to school, or does it also manifest in the family and friend circles?
Is the hatred of school something that has been present since the first contact with schooling (preschool), or did it arise suddenly?

Despite everything, he projects himself into the future, while remaining aware of his present and future difficulties. I think, and this is my personal opinion, that a child who projects themselves into the future is a good sign in my view, which leads me to believe that not all doors are closed.

I am convinced that your son has great potential. I have noticed this on many occasions in children like yours and mine who are suffering and have difficulty finding their place in this ungrateful society. Their perceptions of things and their analyses are, most of the time, superior to those of children who are going through school normally, i.e., within the average range. They sometimes reason like adults, or even better than some adults.
Given their difficulties, they are often the scapegoats of other children whose parents have not learned to respect differences. Not only must our children manage and endure their own distress, but they must also put up with the meanness and mockery of their “classmates” and playmates. As they are reserved, they say nothing. The only signs they convey to us are their behavior, which manifests differently depending on the child and the difficulties. These signs are cries for help, meant to make us understand that they are not doing well and that they are unhappy.

The key is that he loves and appreciates himself by becoming aware of his values. This process is long and can only be done with the help of a child psychiatrist, unless you can support him on this journey. I went through this process with my son; it took some time, but to our great joy, it succeeded.

You think that your son is also suffering from the separation from his father and the little time he spends with him, given the family situation. It is true that this should not be overlooked. Part of my son’s suffering is that he lost his father at the age of three, so for the past 12 years he has been searching for this paternal, masculine identity. Because of the distance, I think he has difficulty finding the thread that will lead him to this masculine identity. This could be one of the causes of his suffering.

I am aware that simply reading my message will not immediately solve this problem, but I hope to have provided you with some necessary information to help you. I remain in contact with you if you wish, and will be there to continue providing the comfort you need.

I wish Max a lot of courage and skill. Big kisses

Hello Pénultienne,

If you would like an astrological theme for Max, could you please wait a few days and make the request to Eliana, the astrology moderator? She is currently away and will be back on the forum soon.

Hello Pénultienne,

The magician and I performed a clairvoyance session to provide you with the information you need to support you.

We hope that this information will help you find suitable solutions to your concerns.

Your family has apparently gone through trials that have spoiled your life. This situation has likely destabilized Max due to tensions and frustrations.

You seem quite alone, and you appear to be, or will be, facing discussions about your son to find solutions, some of which may upset you. But you will have to keep fighting, not give up, in order to get Max out of his troubles so that they do not permanently hinder his future. You will be forced to make choices to determine the best direction to take regarding Max's education.

Nevertheless, there would be someone close to you who supports you, and this friend apparently seems to be good advice.

Besides the worries you have about Max, aren’t you also having financial worries?

We hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you Josy and lemagicien.
In response to your message, I can say that while I am not alone yet, I am on my way to being so; I have told my partner that I want to break up. However, Max’s problems started long before that. He first developed tics around the age of four, followed by regular outbursts of violence. He no longer hits his classmates, but when he is furious, he kicks things like trash cans, for example. It is the expression of his distress that has changed, along with the fact that he now hates school, says he feels useless, and would prefer not to be alive… He alternates between these moments of despair and moments of apparent joy. He says he wants us to “leave him alone.” He says he is only happy when he is playing with his friends or when he is alone at home. He is not interested in any outings, except for the cinema. Everything else seems like an effort to him, which is paradoxical because he complains that we treat him like a little child, yet on his end, he does not show that he knows how to be responsible: putting away his locker, keeping his school supplies in order…
Short answer: yes, I also have financial concerns, as I have committed to purchasing a property (I’m signing around March 1st), but if I split up, I can’t see how I would cover both my current rent and the mortgage payments (there’s a year of renovation work before I can move in). Sometimes I tell myself that it would save me if this purchase didn’t go through, but that depends entirely on the seller. On the other hand, this investment might be a way to fulfill some of my dreams.
My partner is putting pressure on me; this isn’t the first time I’ve tried to leave him, and it’s as if I have to “resist the song of the sirens,” meaning I have to hold on and not stay with this man I love passionately but with whom I am not stably happy or fulfilled. Max certainly feels all of this, my difficulty in making a choice. It seems Max said when Pierre entered my life: “This guy is going to take everything from me.” (according to his best friend) He seems upset because, due to this breakup, we had to move. Anyway, he hates change and moving.
If you have any other good advice, I’m all ears! I do have one, even three, friends who support me.
I earn a good living, but ever since I’ve been with this man, the more money I have, the less I seem to have… I want to scream STOP!
Am I capable of experiencing a different kind of love story? My pattern is as follows: I need to hate in order to love better afterward, and I keep going back and forth, ceaselessly. When I think I’m firmly resolved to break up, my heart ends up giving in.
Well, that’s probably quite a lot of questions!
Me and Pierre (01/06/1945): 1 3 7 5 25
Me and Max (12/26/1994): 23 25 26 1
Regarding a choice about his education, I am indeed questioning myself. I am generally in favor of open environments like Decroly, but it seems to me that Max needs stricter guidance. I have enrolled him for next year in a fairly demanding school (he is entering secondary school), but one that I find “intelligent.” I wondered whether it might be better for him to go to a boarding school, or to live with his father (I am in Brussels and he is in Lille) and attend school there. But he has a 9-year-old little sister; I can’t see her leaving me; as for being separated from her brother, is that a good thing…
See you soon!

Hello Pénultienne,

It seems to me that Max is going through a rebellious phase. This rebellion manifests itself in his mood swings (anger), given that he has not been able to find his own cruising speed due to family tensions. Although, in my opinion, certain physical manifestations would suggest that he is nervous. Did you ask a doctor for information about this when the tics first appeared? I am against the use of medication to calm down children who exhibit nervous behavior, but there are homeopathic products based on plants that can help regulate and soothe children. I consulted a homeopathic doctor for my son, and he had homeopathic remedies prepared for him that brought him a lot of relief. There are other methods for a child to find their balance; at one time, on the advice of a special education professional, I took my child to an osteopath/ethiopathe who, through gentle and precise manipulations, provided him with many benefits.

Regarding the potential plan to enroll him in a boarding school, I think it would not be a good idea at this time. Since he feels that your partner's presence made him fear that he might no longer have [his space/attention], fearing that he would take everything, it would only intensify that feeling, and he would feel distant, which I believe would hurt him.

I quote you:

not staying with this man whom I love passionately but with whom I am not stably happy or fulfilled
Am I capable of experiencing a different kind of love story? My pattern is as follows: I need to hate in order to love better afterwards, and I keep going back and forth, endlessly. When I think I am firmly resolved to break up, my heart ends up giving in..

I want to understand something, and I’m sorry if I’m stepping into intimate territory. I don’t understand how you can passionately love someone who doesn’t make you happy or fulfill you. As for me, it would be difficult to reconcile the two: loving someone who doesn’t bring me anything?
Moreover, I am surprised that you need to go through hating in order to love.
In my view, these two elements are contradictory. It seems to me that you haven’t found the elements that suit you to achieve emotional balance. It appears that you are searching for yourself and don’t truly know what you want. Do you not think that Max senses your state of mind, which could make him unstable and prevent him from seeing his future with serenity?
This is my personal opinion, but I think it would be desirable for you to find your own emotional balance; this would create a stable thread for Max, which would reassure him. I understand that Max does not like change, as it seems to him that change is synonymous with disruption.

A child is always eager to please, so give him some responsibilities and make him understand that it is important to you that he helps you because you trust him. Do not forget to give him compliments and praise him. In this way, he will find his place, which he will not want to give up for anything in the world. By doing so in the daily activities at home, concerning you, in this spirit of help that you need, you gradually lead him to realize that it is in his interest to manage his own affairs. The habits formed for you will naturally lead him to develop good habits for himself.

I am not surprised about your finances according to your reading; there was a paradox between the cup and the reading that showed on one hand the presence of money and on the other hand money problems. In this regard, try to be a bit firmer with this friend if he makes you spend more money than Reason.

Penultimate, even if you are living with someone and have people around you, it remains that you can be alone. The analysis that Lemagicien and I conducted makes this clear, as in your reading you come up as a single female. Moreover, to partially answer one of your questions, since you provided numbers for a clairvoyance session for Pierre and you, know that your partner did not appear in your reading.

If I may say so, I think that first and foremost you should be firm with Max while showing him tenderness and love. An iron hand in a velvet glove. I know it’s easy to say or write on my keyboard, but difficult to do. That’s what I’ve been doing with my son since he was little, especially since I’m raising him on my own and I have to wear several hats: the protective and authoritative father, the caring and reassuring mother, and the educator for the school learning aspect. It’s important to do it well, but it can also be difficult for the child, as sometimes he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with: the father, the mother, or the educator. But in the long run, he’s learned to tell the difference, and things are going well overall.

As soon as possible, I will look into the numbers to perform a reading. Give me the exact questions you are asking yourself, especially for the one involving Pierre and you.

I hope I have provided you with the support and help you need.
In the meantime, I wish you good luck and send big kisses to Max

See you soon

Hello Pénultienne,

It seems to me that Max is going through a rebellious phase. This rebellion manifests itself in his mood swings (anger), given that he has not been able to find his own cruising speed due to family tensions. Although, in my opinion, certain physical manifestations suggest that he is nervous. Did you ask a doctor for information about this when the tics first appeared? I am against the use of medication to calm children who display nervous behavior, but there are homeopathic products based on plants that can help regulate and soothe children. I consulted a homeopathic doctor for my son, and he had homeopathic remedies prepared for him, which brought him a great deal of relief. There are other methods for a child to find their balance; at one time, on the advice of a special education professional, I took my child to an osteopath/ethiopathe who, through gentle and precise manipulations, provided him with many benefits.

Regarding the potential plan to enroll him in a boarding school, I think it would not be a good idea at this point. Since he feels that your partner's presence made him fear that he might no longer have [his space/attention], fearing that he would take everything, it would only intensify that feeling, and he would feel left behind, which I believe would hurt him.

I quote you:

not staying with this man whom I love passionately but with whom I am not stably happy or fulfilled
Am I capable of experiencing a different kind of love story? My pattern is as follows: I need to hate in order to love better afterwards, and I keep going back and forth, endlessly. When I think I’m firmly resolved to break up, my heart ends up giving in..

I want to understand something, and I’m sorry if I’m stepping into intimate territory. I don’t understand how you can passionately love someone who doesn’t make you happy, who doesn’t fulfill you. As for me, it would be difficult to reconcile the two: loving someone who doesn’t bring me anything?
Furthermore, I am surprised that you need to go through hating in order to love?
In my opinion, these two elements are contradictory. It seems to me that you haven’t found the elements that suit you to achieve emotional balance. It appears that you are searching for yourself and don’t truly know what you want. Don’t you think that Max senses your state of mind, which may make him unstable and prevent him from seeing his future with peace of mind?
This is my personal opinion, but I think it would be desirable for you to find your own emotional balance; this would create a stable thread for Max, which would reassure him. I understand that Max does not like change, as it seems to him that change is synonymous with disruption.

A child is always eager to please, so give him some responsibilities and make him understand that it is important to you that he helps you because you trust him. Do not forget to give him compliments and praise him. In this way, he will find his place, which he will not want to give up for anything in the world. By doing so in the daily activities at home, concerning you, in this spirit of help that you need, you gradually lead him to realize that it is in his interest to manage his own affairs. The habits formed for you will naturally lead him to develop good habits for himself.

I am not surprised about your finances according to your reading; there was a paradox between the cup and the reading that showed, on the one hand, the presence of Money and, on the other hand, Money problems. In this regard, try to be a bit firmer with this friend if he makes you spend more Money than Reason.

Second-to-last, even if you live with someone and have people around you, it remains the case that you can be alone. The analysis that Lemagicien and I conducted makes this clear, as in your reading you appear as a Female alone. Moreover, to partially answer one of your questions, since you left numbers for a clairvoyance for Pierre and you, know that your partner did not appear in your reading.

If I may say so, I think that first and foremost you should be firm with Max while showing him tenderness and love. An iron hand in a velvet glove. I know it’s easy to say or write on my keyboard, but difficult to do. That’s what I’ve been doing with my son since he was little, especially since I’m raising him on my own and I have to wear several hats: the protective and authoritative father, the caring and reassuring mother, and the educator for the school learning aspect. It’s important to do it well, but it can also be difficult for the child, because sometimes he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with: the father, the mother, or the educator. But in the long run, he’s learned to tell the difference, and things are going well overall.

As soon as possible, I will look into the numbers to perform a reading. Give me the exact questions you are asking yourself, especially for the one involving Pierre and you.

I hope I have provided you with the support and help you need.
In the meantime, I wish you good luck and send big kisses to Max

See you soon

Good evening Josy,

Thank you for the time andattention que tu consacres a tout ceci! Pour repondre a une de tes interrogations, jI loved Pierre because he is capable of being an extraordinary companion, but his attitude is unstable and sometimes, often, I felt like I was being "left hanging in the void." I am fed up with his shortcomings. He is someone who has no limits and is capable of being terribly inconsiderate behind the facade of a cultivated intellectual and lover of art.
I am therefore naturally prompted by your remark regarding the difficulty Max experiences in the face of change. Yes, it makes sense; change has every reason to be perceived as a threat for Max…

I went away for the weekend to a friend's place to help me solidify my decision to break up. I am completely set on it; our relationship already feels like it belongs to the past. I just want to come home and have him not be there! But I know very well that when I get back tomorrow evening, he will pressure me, and I am a bit apprehensive.

Especially since over the last three days with him, we had moments like being in a bubble where I felt a lot of love, tenderness, and desire, but I think, I hope, that those were the last moments of that kind, otherwise it wouldn't help me stay firm in my decision. I consider those moments as our farewell. If I have a question, it is definitely this one: What attitude should I expect from Pierre when I return, and how can I hold my ground? Does he feel abandoned, unhappy? Will he try to make me pay for this breakup? 6 26 29 8On a more practical level, he is asking for my help; he wants to stay in the apartment we are renting, but I want to withdraw from the lease (which is in both our names). He thinks the landlord will not trust him and will not believe that he can pay the rent on his own. (I don’t believe it either!) So I would have to leave, taking the risk that he fails to pay and that it comes back to haunt me! Should I tell the landlord that I’m leaving and let Pierre deal with him on his own? Should I completely withdraw from this rental, or can I afford to help him a little?We have a boat in common that we are trying to sell. This sale would save the situation, as I am in the red and underinsured to find another apartment, while I have to start paying back the loan for the purchase of a loft (in my name) that I will not be able to occupy for a year (due to renovation work)… Question: Will this sale take place soon? 22 27 31 38
A friend had offered to let me stay with her temporarily while I got back on my feet, but now that I’m asking her for a permanent arrangement, I get the feeling she’s backing out. I’m waiting for her response. Is this a good idea? If not, what should I do? I absolutely have to leave the apartment, as I have a strong feeling that cohabiting with Pierre is something to avoid at all costs…
Her name is Carole: 9 6 22 1

I intend to make an appointment for Max with a child psychiatrist. I am waiting for contact details from another friend. For your information, Max hasn't had any tics for years, only occasionally a robotic way of walking, though less so now. Astrologically, there is a lot of electricity in his chart. Nervous, yes! and exhausted at the same time…

See you soon! I'm leaving Paris, where I am, for Brussels (my place) on Sunday around 4:00 PM. It would help me a lot if I heard from you before I go back to face Pierre.

Good night...

Isabelle